Monday, 23 June 2014

Anxiety.. me?

Last weekend I set out on my first trip to the big smoke alone. I dropped the kids at school and then made sure I had everything I needed packed and I headed out the the train station, I got my train and found my seat and I even blogged on the journey.

I arrived at Euston station after travelling  2 1/2hours from up north. I nervously got of the train and followed the way out signs on arriving in the hustle and bustle of the station.
Looking around trying to find where to go next all of a sudden I felt rooted the spot my heart pounding, my body starting to shake, my breathing becoming more frantic.
I  could hear my heart pounding but I couldn't do anything I was just stood there.

I kept telling myself to calm down, I could feel the tears ready to start rolling trying to hold them back I scanned the station looking for the sign to the underground  and slowly made my way to join the people around me who had no idea of the battle that was going on inside me.

Scared of going down those escalators knowing that soon I would be underground with no phone reception, know one to help me. My hands shaking as I looked at the map trying to find where I needed to go. Focus is what I kept saying to myself, you can do it. 

Proud to say that I did manage to get on the right tube even though my was shaking and scared I wasn't on the right one and who would help me if I got lost... Those 3 stops before I had to get off felt like a life time (yes just 3). 
Knowing I was at the right station made me feel better but only once I have exited the tube station did I take a deep breath and let a few tears roll "I did it!", "I did it!" and doing a small happy dance inside.

What I did forget while I was in the big smoke was I would have to make that same journey back.....

It started to build up a few hours before my train was due to leave I even thought about just getting a taxi to Euston and not taking the tube at all but a friend told me I could do it she encouraged me to take the tube I was so nervous already and told her she couldn't leave me but unfortunately she had to take a different line and then all of a sudden I was on my own again, hands shaking, heart pounding for the whole 3 stops. Arriving at Euston and getting back to the hustle and bustle I just needed to sit and calm myself down. I grabbed some food and found some where to sit, my whole body shaking made it difficult for me to eat and in the end I didn't eat much as I felt so sick. 

There was still a whole hour to wait for my train back up north, there were so many people around I stood shaking until the screen showed me what platform I needed to head to. It was a long journey home and well I didn't feel good all the way home. I just wanted it to hurry up so i could be some where I felt safe, I wanted to be home. Even tho I had an awesome weekend.

I have never suffered from anxiety before so all this was a complete shock to me, I think I will look into it a little more. 


Friday, 20 June 2014

On my way to Britmums Live 2014

Well I cant believe it has come round so quick, I have packed re packed and checked and checked again and again. I think I am ready to go...Well it's a bit to late if I have forgotten anything as I am currently sat on the train to the big smoke! 
This is the first time that I have travelled to London by myself and I'm feeling nervous about it. I am proud that I have managed to get on the right train and hopefully arrive in to Euston a little less nervous than I am right now.
Sat looking out the window watching the world whizz by. It feels kind of strange that I have left my family to fend for themselves... will they cope??? I'm sure that they will and I know there will be fun had.

We have just passed our last stop, the next stop will be London eeekkk.
A few butterflies are going around in my tummy.

I've asked myself what the hell am I doing a few times already.

Theres no turning back, if you do seem me please make sure that you say hello. 

Right going to check my case one more time... yes on the train.

Tuesday, 3 June 2014

Bit of a mind dump

So yesterday it was back to school and work after halfterm. 
It was while I was on the school run chatting to one of my friends she said "I've never seen you so stressed out before." 
She was right I've been feeling crap for a few days letting the weight if the world weigh me down. 
Halfterm should have been something to enjoy, spending time with the kids. But I didn't really enjoy it this time… 
Why? I'm not really sure. I know I was lacking some motivation and then looking at the house knowing there was (and still is) a lot to do. 

It's hard trying to manage working and all the stuff at home too. 

I think that's what made me feel so low I feel like a failure as a mum, wife and being me. 
I take my hat off to those mums who manage to work and keep their home looking spotless.
There was also arguing between my girls and that winds me up at times. My tween is acting like a full blown teenager and wow it's hard to cope with at times. Her favourite thing to say at the moment is 'For gods sake!' She loves to slam doors and speaks to her sister in a not nice way. 
They just don't seem to get at all at the moment and at times I'm the one that's ready to blow a fuse. This halfterm they have been in top form with pushing my buttons, I know that it's only going to get worse once she goes to high school. 
There are times when they are so nice to each other but the arguing out weighs the mixed times at the moment. 

I was glad to get back in to a routine and to have a 'break' from the kids with them now back at school. 
There is still so much to do at home and would love for the cleaning fairies to turn up and give me a helping hand. But we all know that won't happen. 
I'm tired when I come home from work the to cook and then start cleaning is the last thing I want to do.

I need to find a way to balance everything.

*Takes a deep breath in and then out* 

Sunday, 1 June 2014

Halfterm fun at Go Ape

Well with half term coming to an end we decided to head out and have some fun. We decided that we would head to Go Ape, who wouldn't love swinging from the trees pretending to be monkeys???

Me! I whimped out but I wouldn't have been able to get all these great pictures if I had done it. 

There are different types of Go Ape adventures, we did the Tree Top Junior adventure. It's ages at 6 to 12 years old. So perfect for my two to have lots of fun. I wasn't sure how my youngest would cope with it as she doesn't really like nights. My eldest I knew would love it at she really likes outdoor stuff especially since she went on a PGL trip with school. 

As you can see from the pictures they sure had lots of fun, there was staff on hand to help with any problems. 
There are two trails on the Tress Top Junior Adventure a short one called number 1 which they ask you to do if you have never done it before, it is quite and easy one and then they you course number two which is more difficult that the first one and it goes higher. 
I wasn't surprised to see my youngest a little nervous about it all and I did see her hugging the tree once she had gone over a tricky bit. I was down on the ground shouting up support to her and she soon started to really enjoy it. My eldest was loving it and soon went off ahead of the Mr and imp she kept shouting down to me and waving telling me how awesome it was. I on the other hand was fighting off the midges in the woods while trying to take some photos/video. There were times I almost fell over stump or got caught up in some branches.

Watching them jump of a platform to swing along the zip wire was fun, the imp looked so scared to take that leap but she did it and I was so proud. The first course is shorter but you can go on either of the courses as many times as you want/can in the allotted time that you have.

It was so nice to see them all enjoying some high flying fun!
Check out the video at the bottom of this post I filmed some footage.

This is not a sponsored post

Friday, 9 May 2014

Treasure Trail

We wanted to do something fun with the girls that appealed to both of them, so we decided we would go on a 

Treasure Trails are fun and unique way for you to get outside and explore. They have over 1,100 Treasure Trails throughout the UK.

We have used a few of these so far in the last year and they have always turned out to be great not only lots of fun but also educational (shh don't tell the kids).
They are a great way of spending time with the family and they have a range of themes from 
Treasure Hunts, Spy Mission and Murder Mystery.

I recently had a look for one in the Manchester area that would be suitable for our family. Here are some snaps from our day.

The girls ready to go with the Hunt
Reading the mission

Looking at the first clue

Albert Square 

Yay first clue found!

On to the next one.

Crossing off the clues as we find them.

L with Abe

Looking High and low for answers to the clues.

Making and anagram to work out an answer

I'm sure theres a clue here somewhere.

Found another one

The one we needed help with.

The last picture if quite funny really we spent ages looking for the answer to a clue, we had spent sometime looking for it. In the front of the guide if gives you a number you can txt for free to help give you a clue to what your looking for.  
After receiving a txt back we couldn't believe where it was it was right under our noses. 

I really do love doing these treasure trails, you get to see a town/city in a different way, we saw sights of Manchester that we wouldn't normally go to and they were like hidden gems.

I'm looking forward to the next one that we will do, I wonder where it will be??

Thursday, 8 May 2014

An allergy?

I enjoy a cold glass of milk and could drink glass after glass.

But I wouldn't  give a glass to my eldest, if I did I would know about it. 

Well it all started nearly a year ago what I thought was nerves or just habit that she her mood would suddenly change, she would go pale, complain of being hot and needing to use the toilet. 
There were many time where me and the Mr would tell her there's nothing wrong with you. Or that it was a phase and she was just worrying about things. We would get frustrated at the fact she would just suddenly say she needed the toilet or felt unwell anywhere and sometimes had to hunt down a toilet.

After a while I took her to see the Dr and get some advice. They couldn't tell me what was wrong so they referred me to see the paediatrician. 
Who told us that she seemed to have an over active bowel meaning that when she ate her brain would tell her bowel to 'clear out' there's more coming and her bowel would go into spasm.  Leaving her in quite a bit of pain and upset. We were sent away and told to increase roughage in her diet and that yogurts could help her gut with it having good bacteria and that she may just grow out of it but it could be a few years. In my mind I was screaming a few years??? I cant cope and neither can she!

It was only when we had done as we were told that we noticed a pattern in the pain and sickness and moods.
Every time she had cereal and milk she would complain and it made it hard getting ready for the school run and getting out on time. There were tears and frustration nearly every morning. So I kind of thought that it could be the milk that is upsetting her tummy and I did that thing that you aren't supposed to do... Yup I googled. I swapped milk of almond milk and yogurts for soya ones to see what would happens and if there was any differences. 

We did notice a change in her, her tummy didn't seem as upset and she seemed happier. So almond milk is now a staple in my shopping basket along with soya yogurts, milk free chocolate and cheese. 
There were slight hiccups as we can't control what is in food when we eat out. Which often led to tears at the table. She was scared to ask for things with out ice cream or cream etc. There have been times when we just haven't realised that things could have milk in its only she she starts to feel unwell that we'd realise. Now we check packaging when doing the food shop to make sure the food she has are milk free.

I went back to see our Dr with the knowledge that we had gained of swapping things around. I also wanted to know if she has an allergy.  So again we were referred back to see the paediatrician which we saw this week. He is very nice and asked lots of questions and we told him what had been going on and how we had noticed a pattern. 

He said he didn't think that it was a lactose issue but maybe a milk protein issue. But he was unsure as she wasn't showing some of the main 'symptoms.'
I asked if there was a way he could test to see if there is an allergy and he said yes it's called a RAST TEST. Which involves taking a blood test. L looked at me a little worried as she's never had a blood test before and coped with it well, telling me that it tickled yes she says the stingiest of things haha. The paediatrician then went on to tell me the results will either come back positive or negative and we will then take it from there.

We will have to wait a few weeks for the results. I asked what if it comes back negative? 

Then he said we could maybe try and give her milk or I can just keep her dairy free for a few years then try again to introduce milk back into her diet and see how her body deals with it. They would also put us in touch with a dietitian so we can get some advice on still giving her a good healthy diet.

What if the results come back positive?
Nothing different really they would put us in touch with a dietitian so we can get some advice in still giving her a good healthy diet. 

So now we play the waiting game hopefully we will get some answers.

I do think that no matter what the result is, it will be best to keep her dairy free as she seems better/happier that way. We just want to know so we can make it easier on L.

Is there anyone else out there who has been through the same thing?

Friday, 25 April 2014

I'm going to be attending BlogOn 2014

Blog On

So next weekend I am going to be attending my first blogging event..... EEEEKKK!!!! I'm a little nervous about it and still cant believe that I am going to be attending.I will be going to BlogOn this is being held at MOSI in Manchester, with this being my first event. I thought I would answer some questions so that you can get to know me a little bit better. I'm sure that you will see me on the day I will be the nervous one standing in the corner.SO here goes.....

Name -  
Rachel I get asked all the time which way I spell it ael, el, eal lol
Blog url -
click here

Twitter -
Facebook - 
I don't have one set up for my blog yet 
Location -
 I live in Wigan
Bra size - only kidding.... This question made me giggle 
Yes I have 2 aged 10 and 6
Favourite food?
ermm  Chinese
Tea or coffee?
Cat or Dog?
Both but I have 2 cats
Left handed or right handed? 
I'm a leftie
What came first the chicken or the egg?
Well you need both to make the other.
Dietary requirements? 
Special talents? 
If I told you I would have to kill you lol! I don't think I have any.
Describe Yourself In Seven Words
Kind, friendly, chatty, helpful, likes to laugh (loudly), stubborn  and hardworking  
What Is The Best And Worst Thing About Blogging?
Best thing about blogging is being able write what I want when I want and meeting/making friends with awesome people. The worst for me is writing and then there are no comments for me to respond to which I love doing.
What is the most embarrassing thing you've ever done? 
Recently I got up on stage after going to the toilet at a kids club where they were calling my name over the microphone, when came out they pulled me up on stage to hula hoop in a hula off against a man and well I discovered that I am awful at hula hooping. Needless to say I didn't win :o(
What would your superhero name and power be?
I often call my self Wonder Woman so maybe WonderRach not very original I know.
What will you be wearing at Blog ON?  
OMG I hadn't even thought about what I'm going to wear. Possibly jeans and a top with converse something comfy will be good.
What’s your favourite blog post you have written this year so far?
Does this one count????

 If you choke a smurf what colour does it turn? 
That is a very good question I would say purple!

While you are here would you like some cake? 
What kind? Cake where??????? *looks around* I like any cake but coffee cake would be my favourite.

Well I hope that you enjoyed learning a little bit about me. If you do see me make sure that you come and say hello